I am into my first week after the twenty one days and my focus has been taken to the next level. Finally this can really be about me for me, and that really is a big step. During the first twenty one days I was dependant upon the day to day instructions. Now conversion is taking place. There are my tools and here is me.

I think about my new life style almost every minute of the day. That is because I want this more than anything right now. I really, really, REALLY want this. Really(lol)?  Yes, really!

My husband says he never saw me eat so much lettuce or salad in my entire life as I have in just these past weeks. That is because salad never had the value to me as it does now. It has a very high value because with that salad I can eat the foods I really, really, REALLY like and not gain weight. That is a compromise Ill take! Have you ever met a person you did not like on first impression, then after you got to know them you found that you actually liked them? Well, thats me and my salad. For others it may not be a big deal, but for me its huge,

Cooking...I won't get into the big story, but for my own reasons I stopped cooking. I was self taught and felt I really, really, REALLY wasn't good at it anyway. Kids had their own agenda so there really wasn't any motivating factor for me. That's when my husband and I started eating out..almost all the time! When I stopped eating out I was surprised it had very little impact on weight loss. I would probably had returned to that lifestyle if it wasn't for our present economy. However, the alternative wasn't much better because I was still eating a lot of processed foods.

Here is where you came in.With many of my buddy's talking about all these yummy recipes ( at this point the recipes sent to me were not the motivator I needed. You became the motivators and the recipes in the kit are the tools.. At this point they are still in the kit; however I am looking at them in a different light). I am a food lover and listening to all those delicious recipes caught my attention.

Although I'm not there yet. I bought a little crock pot...just for me. I put some baby red potatoes in it before work and when I came home they were waiting. Seasoned them up and YUMMMEEE! Put the remainder in my snack containers for a later date. Well, I thought.. That wasn't too bad... So yesterday in the store Im looking to expand my horizons. Picked up some rice and chick peas.(Chick peas?????) Yeah really, Chick peas!  This is how the natural transformation of me is taking place. It is at my own pace and my own time. No pressure, no hassel and its just fine! Now, if anyone can share gravy recipes for the crock with little or no sodium...I am all ears.

Sleep. Sleep is a challenge for me. I do have sleep apnea and have to wear prongs in my nose everynight so that for me gets annoying. Once in a while Ill take a day break but I am motivated to lose the weight to hopefully get off that machine forever. I'm up at least 2-4 times a night going to the bathroom. I have learned to sleepwalk for that, so going back to sleep is not the problem. 2 nights ago I went to bed early, only to wake at 3am. Laid there with no return to sleep. My Good buddy here shared the turkey thing so last night I went and bought a good solid turkey. Gave the skin to my cat (who thoroughly enjoyed it I must say- Throwing food out is another challenge for me). I ate it and slept for 10 hours. I was up for my normal sleepwalking routine, took a day break from my machine and slept 10 hours!!!! I can't remember the last time I did that!!!! So thanks buddy!!!!

I started getting hungry before I went to bed, even after I ate. We were watching a movie on my bed an my son had cheese doodles. I got up and went to the bathroom (as posted here another distracter tool), however it wasn't the restaurant where like either A) someone else would eat it B) it would be packaged for take home C) It would be taken away or D) Our party would be leaving. There the darn things were right in my face and it wasn't my time (lol) So of course I snatched them and started crunching away. I love salt and I am a cruncher and that is a fact. So my son is laughing at our cat who is also eating cheese doodles and licking his paws for all that he could get also. Yes, Im licking my fingers too....

.......So this voice in my head starts gently talking to me. Not yelling at me, not guilting me, not putting me down, just reminding me that yes, I CAN have those cheese doodles; and SUGGESTED just have them a little later. Having some in me made it easier, but I asked my son (another tool at this point) to please take the bag away. He asked why? I said I really, really, REALLY, DON'T want to eat them right now. Although 12, (and my very loving autistic son who has come so far you really wouldn't know it unless you were well versed. His emmy award winning CN8 news can be found at www.autism-resources.net), he knows I am doing my program and kept them by HIS side. The turkey took its toll and I fell peacefully asleep. Before, I would have really, really, REALLY wanted those cheese doodles. Another transformation.

Whats reinforcing for me is the tape measurer. Not your standard tape measurer either. My twelve year old son now wraps his arms around me, (sorry, Im crying now) and measures how far he can grab himself in the process. He was so excited about his hands touching. (still crying) That for me is my personal award. Its unique to me and for those who do watch his video, you might gain insight as to how deep that goes.

So, I have to run out to work right now, but just wanted to reinforce how important it is to have buddies like all of you here. I Never really, really, REALLY understood how important it is to have you all here and to accept all that you offer. I feel safe. I feel I can be honest. I do feel I can fall. I do feel that you will pick me up and not yell at me for getting dirty. I feel I can express. I feel I will be heard. This has all kept my focus. Lisa..special love shouts to you. Your post really, really Really made me think. Helped me take it to the next level.

So yes, when people blog it does help everyone, There is no right or wrong here or knowing how many or who both blogging or responding may help. I will offer my advise and that is to remember that although we are following the same outlined program. it is UNIQUE in its own way to all of us here. Some may have different goal and start at much different points, but it is still an individualized program. Get excited if your results are sooner, don't get disappointed if your not patient, recognized even the littlest change because that just might be the foundation to the bigger change and remember... Keep your own focus and find your momentum if you lose it because If you really, really, REALLY want this...It Will work!  With Love, Joni